Building Your Childs Self-esteem
|
|
According to researchers, most children enter school with a good sense of self-esteem (at least as defined by psychologists) and yet leave high school with a poor sense of self-esteem. What happens in those years between starting school and finishing school?
If we are to define self-esteem as "having feelings of worth or value," then people with adequate levels of self-esteem should display a sense of realistic confidence in their abilities and performance. People with low levels of self-esteem would be expected to display feelings of inadequacy, a fear of failure, a sense of being unworthy, and perhaps depression.
It is estimated that 25-35% of children have Learning Disabilities. At least 5% have Attention Disorders. All too many times during the course of their academic careers these children are labeled by teachers (or parents) as being "lazy," or "stupid." Remarks of this type are typically interpreted by the child as, "You're no good," and the self-esteem levels drop.
At least 50% of children will experience the divorce of their parents prior to turning 18 years old. Most children, for whatever reasons too complicated to go into here, will tend to place at least a portion of the blame for the parent's divorce on themselves. Since the parents are typically placed on a pedestal in the eyes of the child, the blame for the divorce cannot be placed on the parents and must be placed elsewhere, most commonly on themselves. This also significantly impacts children's self-esteem levels.
There are other important challenges to maintaining reasonable self-esteem, such as merely being "average" in a world that worships only the good looking, the good athletes, and the well-to-do.
Can too much Self-Esteem be bad for you?
Let me say here and now that inappropriately high levels of self-esteem may be worse that low levels. Levels of self-esteem that are too high lead kids to believe that they are more important than anyone else, and that they should never be frustrated by work or challenges in life. It leads young people to believe that they should always have their way. Inflated levels of self-esteem ultimately discourages children and teens from learning how to work hard, and sometimesl leads into criminal behavior. Anti-social and criminal behavior is fueled by the criminal believing that his wants and needs are more important than the needs, wants, or rights of others.
Inflated levels of self-esteem also are directly at odds with the development of one's spirituality and relationship with God. After all, who needs to develop a relationship with God when he believes that he is more important, or intelligent, or more powerful than God? People are cheated in every important aspect of their lives, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, when their sense of self-esteem is inflated.
So how can we instill appropriate levels of self-esteem in our children? Briefly, here are five key thoughts . . .
First, change the way that you look at this area of life from "self-esteem" to "self-confidence." There is a difference as wide as the sea. To "esteem" someone, including one's self, involves feelings of "reverence" or "awe" or "honor" or "glory." Words have meaning. Let's not get carried away with trying to make our kids feel good about themselves by starting to ascribe to them positions of honor normally reserved for Presidents and Kings, and perhaps for God. The majority of our society's problems are caused by people thinking that they are more important than anyone else in the world. This is not something that we really want to encourage in our children, or in ourselves.
Instead we do want to encourage self-confidence. This attribute becomes especially powerful and beautiful when paired with the virtue of self-control. Raise your children to have these two character traits, and you will have wonderful and successful children.
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
|
|
|
Parenting Your Teenager: The Trust Issue
Q. How do we decide what our teens should be able to do? How do they earn trust and responsibility?A. Good questions. One way is to determine how much trust the teen-ager has earned.To use a banking metaphor, if the teen-ager has made enough deposits in the ``trust bank,'' then he or she has earned the privilege of making a few withdrawals - that is, the teen has...(related: Parenting)
Real Monsters Under Your Bed
There may really be a real monster under your kidā??s bed!Seriously, they could actually be there!If you are a parent you have heard about monsters under the bed and in the closet. There was even a movie about Monsters coming into kidā??s bedrooms through the closet. They were collecting screams, or some such.There are many unknown underlying problems that can keep a chi...(related: Parenting)
Screaming Kids Driving You Nuts? Four Rules To Help You Keep Your Sanity!
Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr. when he has a fit or screams."Though there may be times when this is appropriate it is not appropriate when Jr. is less than 5 years of age! Why? Because your child needs to receive training in proper and acceptable behavior. Screaming to get your own way is not proper or acceptable! If your child is scre...(related: Parenting)
Dinner Table Drama
It has been a long day. Home from work, you put together a nice, healthy dinner for the entire family to enjoy. Gathering the family around the table, you sit down to eat and within a minute, a voice pipes up, "I don't like anything." Encouraging, you say...(related: Parenting)
Meningitis And Septicaemia
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain and spinal cord. It is caused by either a virus or bacteria.Viral meningitis is usually mild and does not require medical treatment. Bacterial menin...(related: Parenting)
A Child Can Make A Difference
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th, 2000, my daughter and I traveled to Disney World in Orlando, Florida, because of a dream my daughter, Amanda, has to make a difference in this world. Amanda (then a 6th grader) entered McDonald's Millennium Dreamer contest and told them about her contributions to the humane society and ...(related: Parenting)
Parenting Univeristy: Potty Training 101
When your child shows signs of potty training readiness, it's time to purchase some essential potty training items. There are many new products which can help to make potty training quick and easy for both you and your child. We have researched all of the latest and most effective potty training products.Here, you'll find a number of ne...(related: Parenting)
What Is Child Sexual Abuse?
What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is imposed on a child by an adult or an adolescent is a sexual assault and abuse of the power of one person over another. This also includes experiences of child to child, teen to child, teen to teen, if there is an age difference of four or more years.The key word in this definition is imposed on a child. Children are trained to trust adults, as well they should. When an adult asks, manipulates or forces a child to do something that is against the child's best interest and welfare, they are imposing an experience that w...(related: Parenting)
Send Your Child To College Free!
College is one of the largest expenses through the course of your childā??s life. It is also one of the main causes of debt in America. With today's rates of inflation, it is very hard to save for an event that will occur eighteen years down the road. However, capitalistic America has provided many ways to send your child to college without paying a single red cent. Below you will discover just how easy it is to reach financial freedom.Property near college campuses has always been a prime investment arena. Now,it can be the key to funding your child's education. Three months before your son or daughter starts college, buy a well-maintained home within two to three miles from cam...(related: Parenting)
Positive Parenting Of Teenagers: Helping Your Teen Understand What I Cant Afford It Means
Because most teens have not had the experience of getting to the end of the money before the end of the month, the words, ``I can't afford it,'' have little or no meaning.Here's what can happen in lots of homes:``Mom, can I get a new (fill in the blank)?''``No, honey, I'm sorry, but we can't afford it.''``But mo-mom. Everybody else has one!''``No, we can't afford it.''``But mo-mom, (lots of words involving hassling and bugging).''``We can't afford it!''Repeat this process a few times and here's what you get:``Alright, you can have it, just this once. But don't ask for anything else!''Yeah, right.What the k...(related: Parenting)
Develop Your Childs Critical Thinking Skills
1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do they think. Asking questions stimulates conversation between you and your child.2. Don't Critic...(related: Parenting)
Moms - Get More Energy Now
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expecttheir wives or partners to do the lion's share.There are signs that we're moving toward a more enlightenedage in which ALL parents play their part.But in the meantime, let's concentrate on some help fortired moms.Apparently the number one question mothers ask their doctorsis, "How can...(related: Parenting)
So, The Thing Is... Im Feeling A Little Guilty
So, the thing is? I am feeling a little guilty.I know, I know, what's new? I'm like the travel agent for guilt trips. Right now I'm feeling a little guilty because I am so madly in love with my little Smiley Jane, who turns two-years-old today. I mean, REALLY crazy about her. I can't keep my hands off of her. Her smile just lights up my whole world and that laugh-gosh, if I could bottle that baby deep-belly laugh, I would be the richest woman in the world. It's hard to capture the essence of Jane's personality with words. I can't really describe that sense of perpetual motion, th...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Baby Care Info | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting